Understanding The Law of Attraction
Your Questions Answered
I am married for 30 years to a very nice man but yet something seemed to always be missing. we have a mutual family friend who I've known for almost as long as I known my husband and we have fallen in love with each other. The friend and I have discussed it for the last 3 years. No actual affair but we talk constantly.
I can't leave my husband, I do love him in a different way and I have two grown children as well. I am at a place now where I am content with my husband as long as I can still talk to my friend, but in the back of my mind I think someday and I don't know how, that I will be with my friend forever.
My question is, if the universe sees this as true love can it ever happen without causing hurt to my family and I?
Lorna
Dear Lorna,
The Universe doesn't make such judgments as to whether what you are experiencing is true love and is also neutral about what happens to your family. It cannot prevent "hurt" because those feelings are not "controlled" by anyone but the person who is experiencing (most of us wouldn't even admit that!).
Even though the Universe co-creates your reality, your job is to be clear on what you really want. You can't give over your responsibility to The Universe. It doesn't work that way.
The issue is not that you love two different men. The issue is that you are living a belief system in your culture that tells you that you cannot be happy when you love two men. Anything is possible in the quantum world.
What undermines your satisfaction in your current relationship, however, is that you cannot be completely authentic. If you aren't authentic in one relationship, you probably won't end up being authentic in another, even if you argue that you would.
Being authentic is a practice. It means acting from your truth. It is different from actively trying to hurt someone. At the same time, you may decide that you are satisfied by the status quo because you get enough from each relationship so you won't change things. However, it still means you are inauthentic to your husband. Mature relationships are based on authenticity. It is a higher order calling and most couples can't do it. It takes practice and commitment. The choice is yours.
I was in a similar situation once before. The dishonesty led to a physical illness manifested in myself (because I could not tell my truth and act accordingly). In the end my husband told me that he would have appreciated it more if I told him the truth earlier. When you don't tell the truth, you are holding that other person hostage and not letting them make their own choices. That is called selfishness. You are too afraid of your family's reaction (which they are allowed to have).
If you want what you want, then you will have to be courageous and be willing to hear others' pain in a space of compassion which still acting your truth.
It hurts MORE to be lied to in the end than it does to hear the truth in the short-term. Believe me. I've been there.
Blessings and courage to you,
The Secret Sage
Dear Secret Sage,
I haven't had a girlfriend in a few years and I've found a beautiful girl in my class and I would like to be in a relationship with her. I seem to understand how the law of attraction works but I dont' understand how to get her to notice me and like me if you understand. Is there a way to get what I want?
Eli
Dear Eli,
Law of Attraction author Keith Leon had a wonderful reply to your question on my radio show on October 6th 2008, so go to www.blogtalkradio.com/drkaren and listen to the radio interview there.
My answer is this: You can do it two ways. The slow way and the quick way. The slow way is to create an intention: "Mary and I are having a wonderful romantic relationship by November 1st". Then visualize the relationship daily in vivid detail. Then every day write in your diary all of the wonderful things you notice about her and appreciate about her. If she is of the same vibration, she'll notice you. If not, she won't. That would be my version of the slow way.
The quick way is this: go up to her and ask her. I'm serious. I'm at the age where I don't like games and I don't like wasting time. So I'd go up to her one day and say, "Mary, I've been noticing you a lot and I appreciate what a lovely warm smile you have. Would you be open to going on a date with me?" And if she says yes, you have your answer and if she says no, you also have your answer. And if it is "no", then you thank her for her honesty and you wish her well and then you let her go. (emotionally, you let her go) Happy Intending!
Blessings,
The Secret Sage
Dear Secret Sage,
I understand the law of attraction, and it has worked in some areas of my life but not in others. I am a little confused with allowing space for a mate, I am entering my masters program and would also like to find some one to spend my life with. I spend a lot of time on school stuff, so should I spend equal time on making space for a mate. Also should I always look at my list everyday to refresh my mind of what I want in a mate or put it away and let the universe manifest my desires.
Deanna
Dear Deanna, These are great questions and I thank you for asking them. In your case, I understand that a lot of energy has to go into your masters program and you are worried about not having enough "space" in your life to manifest your ideal mate.
In your case, I would ask the Universe to manifest this person such a way that you will not have to choose one or the other. I recently coached a friend who works 14 hour days 7 days a week. I was concerned about the space issue, but less than one week after I coached him on being specific and focused on his "ideal partner", he manifested one!
What I would ask you to consider, however, is to remove any OTHER extraneous activities or appointments that don't mean much to you, in order to create space. For example, if you are doing certain things out of obligation and not out of joy, let go of those things to make space.
To answer your other question. Once you make your list, you do not have to look at it regularly unless you want to tweek it or unless you forget what you've written (unlikely). As soon as you intend it, the Universe has your "order" so to speak, so you don't have to keep "re-ordering".
What you DO want to do, however, is to regularly "embody" (vibrate) your NEW reality that you already have this person in your life. You can make up games, use Mind Power Makeover tools, Vision Boards or you can write it in your daily gratitude journal "as if" it has happened already.
Blessings,
The Secret Sage
Dear Secret Sage,
I have fallen in love with someone who I've never met who lives on the other side of the county. can I use the LOA to bring us together? I know if I have the chance to meet him, my irresistable charm will do the rest. SL
Dear SL,
From your description its sounds fairly simple. Just ask this person to agree to meet with you. If he agrees, then run, don't walk, to the nearest airport and meet him!
What are you waiting for? The law of attraction works like this: thoughts lead to feelings which lead to actions with lead to your results. WHERE IS YOUR ACTION in this case?
Now, on the other hand, if you are getting the cold shoulder, then I'd highly recommend that you learn to let go of him and make space for someone who truly IS interested in you.
You deserve someone who wants you as much as you want him. You must believe this in order to have a fulfilling relationship. You must not have to rely on charm, but instead on being REAL. Charm only lasts so long.
Good luck!
Blessings,
The Secret Sage
Dear Secret Sage,
Will the man that I want be mine soon?
Cindy
Dear Cindy,
That depends on several factors:
1. He needs to vibrate at the same frequency as you (be just as interested)
2. You need to have a vacuum in your life in order to receive him (space)
3. You don't have any conflicting wants that would block your desires
4. The Universe has co-created the decision that you will grow from this relationship.
Cindy, You can't make someone love you. He has free will and choice. You can, however, ask The Universe for what you want without naming "who" so that The Universe can give you that person OR someone BETTER! If you don't get the man you are after, it is because it is not in your best interest and someone else out there is!
For more details, check out www.lawofattractioninlove.com for advice.
Blessings,
Secret Sage
Dear Secret Sage,
I am in love with a man, a friend, who does not love me. I have been honest with him about my feelings. He knows how I feel. I am attractive and intelligent. I know his flaw and weaknesses. I see him and love him for who he is. I choose to love him anyways because that’s where my heart leads. I have accepted that he will likely never love me. Will the law of attraction help me at all?
Jenifer
Dear Jenifer,
I’d like to congratulate you, first of all, for being honest with your feelings. And what a gift to your friend for you to love him for who he is. When you ask me whether the law of attraction can help you, my answer will always be “yes”. The law of attraction can be harnessed to manifest things into conscious existence (rather than manifesting unconsciously). However, I am unclear as to what exactly you wish to manifest. In brief, can you use the law of attraction to make your friend attracted to you? No, you can’t. Can you use the law of attraction to manifest a wonderful loving reciprocated relationship? Yes, absolutely! You just need to be willing to let The Universe give you someone BETTER than who you have now (by better I don't mean a better person, but a better vibrational match).
I’m guessing a little here, but if you are hoping you can use the law of attraction to change your friend’s mind about reciprocating love for you, my answer would be that we can never apply the law to someone else’s life or their feelings. Although we can influence other’s lives with our own wishes, we cannot change another person’s will. The good news is that you obviously know the qualities in your friend you admire and love and thus you can use these qualities as “ingredients” in your recipe or wish list to attract another relationship that is even more wonderful (and reciprocated of course).
Since you friend is not reciprocating your affections, he currently is not the “right” person for you. If you are looking for a relationship that is lovingly reciprocated, then you will have to create some space (a vacuum) between you and this friend so that The Universe can deliver someone better for you. It doesn’t mean that you don’t keep your friend as a friend, but you will need to let him go in order to create a more healthy balanced relationship with someone new. Making space may mean seeing each other less, talking on the phone less, emotionally “letting him go” to have other relationships with women and wishing him well in the process.
You deserve a loving, warm and happy romantic relationship. Do not settle for someone who doesn’t “love you back”. Be friends, yes, but let him go. It may seem painful at first, but the space you create is absolutely necessary. Trust me. I’ve been there!
Blessings,
The Secret Sage
Dear Secret Sage,
Can you use the law of attraction to mend a broken relationship?
Jennifer
Dear Jennifer,
The best way to use the law of attraction is to focus on manifesting a relationship that is happy and has all the elements of what you want in it, without being attached to a particular person. You cannot use the law of attraction to force another person to act in the way that you want him/her to because you cannot interfere with free will.
If there is an unhappy relationship in your life, it means that the Universe has something in store for you that is better than this situation and more in alignment with your ultimate intention to be fully loved and appreciated. In order for you to manifest this “happier” situation, you must let go of the old to make space for the new.
Your wish for a broken relationship to mend will be granted, but not in necessarily in the way to envision. Months or years may need to pass in order for the two of you to be vibrationally in the same place to be together. When you can lovingly release the other person to live his/her life as he/she sees fit and bless the time you have shared, the energy flowing towards that person is untainted with disappointment and anger, and it is more likely that you will manifest a healthier relationship, no matter what form it takes.
Blessings,
The Secret Sage
Dear Secret Sage,
How can I tell if I really am looking for a Love Partner? Life is quite fulfilling and satisfying as a single independent woman.
Dinnah
Dear Dinnah,
It is wonderful that your life is fulfilling and satisfying as a single independent woman! There is no rulebook out there that says that you need to be paired up! You create your life. You create your reality. It is what you choose it to be.
We as human beings are constantly growing towards wholeness and expansion. An important thing to understand is that relationships are there for our own spiritual growth; however, it is not necessary to be in a love partnership in order to grow. Many forms of relationships abound so that unless you are a hermit, you will always have fodder for personal growth! Besides, even if you were a hermit, you could still grow through developing your relationship with your SELF.
When you are happy and fulfilled as a single woman, you’ll often find like-minded energies naturally attracted to you, and it could very well be that you’ll be attracted to going deeper into yourself by having a love relationship with another person. As long as you are not avoiding partnerships because of fear due to past traumas and you are truly enjoying friendships with both men and women, you shouldn’t concern yourself with whether or not you should be in partnership.
Just enjoy your life!
Blessings,
The Secret Sage
Dear Secret Sage,
I am having such a hard time finding the perfect girlfriend. There seems to be a scarcity of decent single people to date. I don't really think I'm that picky, so what do you think is the problem?
Brian
Dear Brian,
There is a great misconception out there that we have to "find" the perfect partner. And when I say perfect, I mean perfect for you (as opposed to some dictionary definition of perfect). For you, let's start from scratch. Did you know that you can literally custom order your partner from The Universe? Yes, sounds out of this world, but its true. I've done it and it really works.
The first thing you need to do is become CLEAR on who you'd like the manifest. Get out a pen and some paper. Write down all the qualities of this perfect girlfriend you want to manifest. What personality traits are a must-have? What interests do you want her to share with you? How old do you want her to be and why? Does she have to love kids? Does she have to love cooking? Does she have to love your cooking? What values must you both share? What physical features would be exceptionally attractive to you? How financially independent do you want her to be? Do you want a life partner or someone just to have fun with, no string attached?
Get the picture? You need to be VERY specific. Be very specific on the things that are important to you. Other things that may not be as important, you may leave out and leave it up to The Universe's imagination. It is unlikely you'd be able to foresee every little detail, and why would you? There would be no point to living if there wasn't the interest of having mystery in our lives! You do the asking, then don't ask HOW The Universe is going to deliver her to you.
Now, the time frame with which your wish manifests can be as quickly as a few days or few years. One of the secrets to helping The Universe deliver your wish faster, is to create SPACE in your life. I like to call it creating a vacuum. If you've been filling your days up with countless hours of work, studying, parties, family obligations etc., The Universe is probably just waiting for you to create enough space in your life for something new. If you are afraid of being alone and that is why you are so busy...bingo! You need to practice being alone.
There is a whole book in answering this question, but I'll leave you with this one last thought. STOP thinking that there is a scarcity of decent people to date. Instead, be open, and pretend if you have to, that there is MORE than enough out there!
Blessings,
The Secret Sage
Why did my boyfriend cheat on me?
Vanessa
Dear Vanessa,
I can imagine that it has been very painful for you to have experienced your boyfriend cheating you on. I hope what I write will be of comfort for you. Your boyfriend did not intend to hurt you. You are hurt, I know, but understand that most "affairs" are not generated from one person intending to hurt another person.
Affairs can occasionally be a "habit" for some people and your boyfriend may or may not have a track-record of this behavior. If he does, it usually stems from a fear he experienced from his childhood. If you want to understand more, I recommend you read Gay Hendricks story in his book, Five Wishes.
If "cheating" is not a habit, then you will need to ask him why. Some people cheat because they are not having a fulfilled relationship. Others cheat because they enjoy a variety of sexual partners and can't accept that about themselves, so they do it without the knowledge of their primary partner. And still others cheat because being attractive and lovable to another person feeds their self-esteem because they do not have good self-esteem to begin with - in other words, they crave the attention so they can feel good about themselves.
Sadly, happiness and feeling good about oneself is an inside job and a person will never get "enough" of that feeling when it comes from someone external to themselves. Know this, Vanessa: in the spiritual way of telling you the truth, your boyfriend cheated on you so that you can grow more (personal growth). Yes, you actually "hired" him as an actor in "your play" to co-create this scenario for you so that you can learn something. So the important question to ask yourself is not WHY, but to ask yourself what can I learn from this situation? It could be that it was your path to learn and exercise forgiveness. It could be that you need to learn to be assertive and choose a more suitable partner who will be honest with you. It could be that you need to learn to access your intuition so that you can communicate better with your partner. Whatever it is, realize that you are going to be better for the experience. It feels yucky now, I know, but trust that there is a reason for everything and that reason is there to serve you. I highly recommend you listen to the interview with law of attraction author Keith Leon at www.blogtalkradio.com/drkaren where he talks about his own experience with loss.
Blessings,
The Secret Sage
Dear Secret Sage,
I met a man at a grocery store and he was the first man that ever sparked my passion. I have been reading law of attraction books for the last six months trying to manifest him back into my life to no avail. What am I doing wrong? I'm 46 and have never been married.
Kelley,
Dear Kelley,
You aren't doing anything wrong. The Universe has giving you this situation so you can experience PASSION, something that is new for you.
If you are not used to feeling passion, it may take some practice to keep up your energy (passion) at a high level to manifest your man. A consistent level of passion is required for such an endeavor.
However, if he is not resonating at your frequency and you were just a passing fancy, then he may not re-enter your life anytime soon.
You cannot control your reality but you co-create it with The Universe and others in the Universe. This experience was good for you. I drew out of you a new way of being. That may be all it was meant to do.
My advice is to continue your studies and at the same time let go of the attachment to seeing him (while staying with the intention of seeing him).
Try this. Ask the Universe. "I am having a wonderful connection with the man I met in the grocery store and we exchange numbers by May 22nd, 2008" and live this reality in your mind and let go. If you let go and it is meant to be, your man will manifest.
Blessings,
The Secret Sage
Dear Secret Sage,
I have been married for one year. My husband doesn't seem to like me or my family anymore...he is very negative...how can I change his feelings towards me and my family..I want to be in peace.
BJ
Dear BJ,
I really feel for your difficult situation. Your husband's negativity has nothing to do with you or your family. He has unresolved issues from his past that he has not dealt with, but unfortunately, it is not your role to "fix" him.
The law of attraction can be used to create more peace in your life DESPITE the attitudes of your husband. You can create the "wish" that you live a peaceful happy life. Imagine it...what would a peaceful life look like?
You cannot change his feelings though. He is entitled to his opinions and how he feels. The ONLY person you can change is yourself and how you cope with the situation.
What can you do? You can learn new skills in communicating with your husband. You can learn how to be happy in spite of his negativity. On the other hand, it may be so difficult to live with someone so negative that you need to separate from him in order to be happy yourself. Your husband may be clinically depressed.
Maybe you can gently broach the subject with him. You can try asking him, "You seem really unhappy sometimes and I'm really concerned about you. Would you be willing to go to visit the doctor to see if you possibly have depression? It is really common and it saddens me that you are so unhappy. I want to help."
A wonderful exercise that is healing for your husband would be for you to write in a journal ten things you appreciate about him every day for 30 days straight. Refrain from complaining about him. Focus on his good points. You married him so there must be good there that attracted you to him. When we focus on the good, we get more of it according to the law of attraction.
The bottom line is that you must discover for yourself what you need to be happy. If your husband never changes, can you imagine yourself still being happy and fulfilled?
I recommend that you look into getting some counseling for yourself because you need support. It will be unlikely your husband would be interested in counseling but if he sees that you are happier and calmer after counseling, he may consider it for himself.
Some other resources for you: The Work by Byron Katie and her book, Loving What Is and Happy for No Reason by Marci Schimoff. Both are available at the Law of Attraction in Love Bookstore.
Blessings,
Secret Sage
Dear Secret Sage,
Is it harmful to participate in activities like internet dating when you are living your vision of the ideal mate? Thanks!
Tracy
Dear Tracy,
I find your question very interesting! Now I have one for you: why do you feel that internet dating is possibly harmful?
Is it because you have a judgment that dating through the internet is somehow inferior than other forms of dating?
The law of attraction is our partner in success if we choose to harness it consciously. Whatever form you choose to manifest your dream partner can work if you believe and trust that the Universe will help you.
Thus, there is nothing wrong with internet dating - it is your attitude and judgment about it that may need to change if you are going to use it.
Today is a technological age. There is nothing wrong with technology if you use it for the intentions that are for your highest good. In order for internet dating to work (for you), you must believe wholeheartedly that you CAN manifest your partner this way. Don't expect "less" just because it is the internet. In fact, expect MORE because there are more people to choose from than your own hometown!
My ex-husband after some shifting of his beliefs about finding the right partner, went on the internet and found his dream partner. He was able to manifest her only AFTER he created his "wish list" and believed it would work.
If somehow you can't change how you feel about internet dating (if it is negative), then that may NOT be the "right" vehicle for you. Follow your intuition on this.
Blessings,
The Secret Sage
Oh, please also check out our sister site: www.lawofattractioninlove.com
Dear Secret Sage,
When will I get HIM?
Jo
Dear Jo,
The WHEN of The Universe is a challenging issue for us to comprehend. Many factors determine the WHEN and some you cannot congrol. But those you can are as follows:
CLARITY - How clear have you been about the type of person you wish to attract? If you happen to be attached to having a specific someone you already know and things just aren't "clicking", it probably means that The Universe has someone else in mind that more closely matches what you want.
So be as clear as possible about the qualities you desire without being too rigid that The Universe cannot give you something better.
Another factor is SPACE. Make sure your lifestyle is conducive to having a partner. Do you fill every minute of every moment with appointments, classes, work, travel? or have you programmed "space" in your life that will be flexible enough to shift when you have a partner?
Another factor is this: how much energy are you putting into attracting this partner? What do you love doing? Do you picture yourself enjoying that activity with that special someone? Have you cleared out your closets (if you want a live in partner) and garage to make space for HIM?
And how healthy are you? The reason I ask is because the healthier you are, the BIGGER the vibration you can create. The bigger the vibration, the more sustained this vibration of already having what you asked for, the FASTER this person will manifest. If you are overworked and exhausted, there isn't enough energy to prime the manifesation pump, so to speak. So please, take good care of yourself and your body.
So in summary, three main factors under your control as to the timing of your eventual manifestation are:
1. Clarity
2. Making Space
3. Raising your vibration by making sure you are as healthy as possible
There are other factors of course, but these three are the ones that come to mind to share with you.
Blessings,
The Secret Sage
Copyright . Enlightened Press. All rights reserved.
