Dear Dr. Karen: Are Dating Conventions and Speed Dating Just Gimmicks?

Dr. Kan,



Something is wrong with society when people in large cities become so disconnected with each other that they have to go to conventions, join internet dating sites, engage in speed dating, and other gimmicks, just to open the door for the possibility of dating with each other. This is insanity in my opinion. My parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles didn't engage in this insanity as a way to form relationships. They simply communicated with people and connected with those they had something in common with. If there was enough common ground they decided if they wanted to take it further and formed relationships or went their separate ways. Simple, simple, simple. Dating should not be so complicated and all of these gimmicks just take something that is supposed to be natural and turn it into an unnatural and overly complicated event. 



Floyd


Dear Floyd,

I understand what you are saying. I read your letter live to ask Dr. Kathlyn Hendricks, my guest for today’s Law of Attraction in Love Radio Show, so you may wish to listen to her take on the subject. I’ll take the liberty here to summarize from both our perspectives.

Relationships in the past were no more conscious than they are now. In fact, in the past the roles of men and women were vastly different than they are today and most would not vote to return to the past where women didn’t vote or just were raised to be childcare workers.

The truth is that we all are in our infancy when it comes to developing conscious, co-committed relationships. Our parents or grandparents were just as ill-equipped in relationship skills as we are now, so not a lot has changed. What has changed, of course is the form. Our technology has grown way ahead of our skills in the conscious relating arena. We need to “catch up” so to speak in our relationship skills in order to make best use of whatever form of getting together we have.

We can’t really regress “back” to the way things were with our grandparents or parents and personally I wouldn’t want to. My grandparents were in an arranged marriage and fought tooth and nail throughout their entire existence together. They had no choices when it came to who they had to spend the rest of their lives with. There were a lot of “rules” and “obligations” that made neither partner particularly happy or fulfilled.

People were not as mobile or “global” as they are now and life in general is just moving faster and faster. Romanticizing the “past” of how people got together doesn’t really help us in today’s society.

What is most valuable, however, is the commitment to one’s own journey to self-love and wholeness. Regardless of the form of dating, the commitment to conscious loving and the follow through with action is what is most important. What that means is that we CAN both create conscious loving relationships through both the “old ways” of dating and the “new” because it isn’t the form that matters, but the person using the form. Does that make sense?

For more details, I highly encourage you to listen to the full radio show interview with Dr. Katie where you can download the whole interview for free at www.blogtalkradio.com/drkaren.

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan

www.lawofattractioninlove.com

Radio Show Monday: Interview with Conscious Loving teacher Dr. Katie Hendricks

I have a very special treat for you next week. On Monday, I'll be interviewing one of my favorite relationship teachers, Dr. Kathlyn Hendricks on the Law of Attraction in Love Radio Show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/drkaren.

Together with her husband Dr. Gay Hendricks, Katie (as she prefers being called) has been instrumental of changing the lives of couples and those wanting to be a couple for decades.Their pivotal book, Conscious Loving, has been one of my favorite relationship books of all time. If you've listened to some of my previous radio shows, you'll know that I encourage every person to read it. In my books, it is a MUST! if you want to have a loving conscious relationship with your dream partner.

Katie and Gay have founded the Hendricks Institute, an International Learning Center that teaches core skills for conscious living. Their work over the past three decades has been to assist people in opening to more creativity, love, and vitality through the power of conscious relationship and whole-person learning. They are passionately committed to creating a worldwide community of people with whom we can explore new heights of love, creativity, and well-being.

Please join me Monday at 12 noon EDT and call in live or listen to the broadcast:

Monday August 31, 2009 at 12 noon EDT
www.timezoneconverter.com
www.blogtalkradio.com/drkaren
Call in number: 347-945-6313
Hit "1" if you’d like me to see your “hand up” to ask a question

Hope to chat with you then! Oh, and if you can't make the show, you can always download it for free from the Radio show page here: http://lawofattractioninlove.com/subscribe/free-radio-show-downloads/

Blessings,
Dr. Karen Kan

Dear Dr. Karen: How Can I Make A Man Faithful?

The Dear Dr. Karen question for today:

Dear Dr. Karen,

I'm so happy to ask you this question because it's on my mind for several months. When a man cheats a woman, is it because of his character or because of the woman who is afraid of it and hence attracts it into her life? Can I make every man being faithful when I believe in it?

Thank you.

With love

Nicole

Dear Nicole,

Great questions and I'm glad you're asking. This is a subject I enjoy talking about in my teleseminars and radio shows so I urge you to listen in on both to get the "full scoop" on my thoughts on the subject.

It is indeed true that when I woman is AFRAID of a man cheating on her, she WILL attract men who cheat on her. It usually stems from a pattern of abandonment that occurred early in her youth or, as I've discovered, a pattern that her mother suffered and she witnessed. Sometimes when children witness their parents' struggles, they start embodying them as their own.

I had just that happen to me. My mother was very distrustful of men in general and no wonder. Her father was a cheat and liar, but was so incredibly charming you could barely resist him. I grew to distrust men as well and thus helped to co-create a distrustful relationship with my first husband. I have since done a lot of internal work on myself so I'm learning to let go of my old programming.

Whether or not the man has a character flaw is irrelevant. If you are afraid of cheating, cheating will follow you around wherever you go because of the Law of Attraction. FEAR is a powerful magnet.

You want to know how you can make a man faithful. The answer: you can't. In fact, the one thing men value most is freedom. Listen to Satyen Raja's interview here. The worst thing you can do is to put limits on a man. So what does that mean?

Well, the grand majority of men and a growing number of women, if given the opportunity, would prefer to have sexual relations with more than one person while in a committed long-term relationship with someone. However, our society frowns on such behavior and frankly, our current level of conscious relating and communicating is so poor that I would be reticent to suggest that most people could be highly successful at open relationships.

That being said, the best way to be happy is for you to let go of the notion that in order for you to be happy, you need a man to be faithful to you. The less constraining your attitude is towards your partner, the more attractive you become. I swear this is true! It is their nature! Why fight it?

We have been conditioned in our society to value monogamy because somehow we were taught that monogamy or serial monogamy meant a higher valued relationship. I have seen, however, through observing countless relationships, that fidelity, has nothing to do with quality and happiness in the relationship. Most people don't understand that fidelity is not the source of happiness. You are your OWN source of happiness.

Using Law of Attraction affirmations for fidelity or faithfulness only serves to enhance your chance of it backfiring on you. Why? Because you are FOCUSED on cheating when you are asking for someone who is faithful to you (as it implies that you are afraid)! What you focus on grows!

Instead, focus on attracting someone who is committed to fully loving and appreciating you and don't even worry about cheating (easier said than done given your upbringing and programming). Focus on a relationship built on honesty...which means that you'd tell him that you'd rather know if he wants to cheat and you'd lovingly respect him for it instead of hiding it from you. And of course the reciprocal would be true.

I know what I'm suggesting is foreign to most people. I highly recommend you read Neale Donald Walsh's series, Conversations with God, especially book 1 and 2 as well as his book on Relationships for more thorough discussions of this topic!

Thank you again Nicole for your questions.

Blessings,

Dr. Karen

http://www.lawofattractioninlove.com

The “Missing” Ingredient That Differentiates Those Who Succeed and Manifesting Their Dreams and Those Who Don’t

It’s taken me a few years to figure out what the main “ingredient” is that is missing from people’s ability to manifest their dreams, whether it be their dream partner or their dream career or their dream life. So many people I know try very hard to implement the teachings of The Secret, the Law of Attraction. So many people I know read spiritual books like Conversations with God, A Course in Miracles, and When Things Fall Apart. So many of my friends go to seminars and conferences and get pumped up with a “can do” attitude towards manifesting their dreams.

Yet, the fact remains that only a proportion of well-meaning and hard working people are able to manifest their deepest dreams. So what’s the “missing ingredient” that separates those that “make it” and those that don’t?

Well, read this testimonial from a client of mine and see if you can guess what it is:

My mind and heart were in all directions before I started working with Dr. Karen. My insecurity was at all time time high. It all started because I didn't believe I could meet a man who fulfilled every single criteria I asked for as the “Love of my Life”. So when he actually appeared, I starting doubting my reality, and I indulged myself in fear. This in turn pushed him away. It wasn't an easy time for me. I felt stupid, useless - and I was losing self-confidence rapidly.

I came across Dr. Karen's website and contacted her. I have worked with other coaches before but at times I couldn’t resonate with them for one reason or another. However, from the first moment I spoke to Dr. Karen, things just seemed to fall into place .. we spoke as if we’d known each other for ages. I felt understood, and that set the pace for my own healing and re-alignment.

I committed to a six-session coaching package and I was also reading and implementing her eBook "Creating Your Fairytale Love Life". By the second coaching session, I felt a big shift in my relationship with my boyfriend. By the third session, I felt an even bigger shift! Oh my, I thought. This can only get better, and it did!

Dr. Karen has taught me how to ask for what I want, how to feel pain and let it go, how to detach myself from the outcome (my biggest stumbling block) and how to feel good about myself. Once I was able to grasp this ... my relationship took off and we feel so much better around each other. It's just wonderful!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Light and Blessings,

Karen H.

So what is the missing ingredient that separates those that create their dreams and those that don’t?

Well, I believe the answer is this: knowing that you can’t do it alone and then seeking support.

Every highly successful and happy guru that I’ve ever studied has had a mentor or a teacher that they’ve spent one-on-one time with. In today’s language, this means a coach or a set of coaches (the more successful one is, the more coaches one tends to have) and/or a Mastermind Group (when it comes to business).

One hint when it comes to seeking support. Rather than seeking the support of your friends who you’ve been hanging out with since high school, make sure you seek the support of someone who is MORE successful than you or at least already has what you want. So if you want a happy, spiritually evolving romantic relationship, then choose someone who has just that to mentor you. If you want to be the best transformational speaker in your field, ask a successful one to mentor you.

Get the picture?

Every single person who has been courageous enough to ask for help from me has made remarkable positive shifts in their lives (from the very first coaching call)…and it isn’t necessarily because I’m all that special. It is because they made the commitment to taking the next step in wish fulfillment – getting a new perspective from someone who’s been there and who already knows how to get what you want.

A couple of generous clients have permitted me to record their calls and to share them with you so that you could witness their process and be inspired by them. By requesting information from the Coaching Page, you’ll get access to some sample coaching calls.

If you’re really, really ready to get some results in your life, take the next step – get some support!

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan